One of the most frequent complaints men have about their partners is that they wish their women would initiate sex more often, or at least that they would be more responsive to their sexual overtures. The reason for this common discrepancy is that male sexual desire is more robust and spontaneous, while female sexual desire is more variable and responsive to the environment.
When it comes to sex, men are mostly genitally focused, whereas for women, sex is a full mind and body experience. In the words of Jerry Seinfeld: "The basic conflict between men and women, sexually, is that men are like firemen, and women are like fire. To men, sex is an emergency, and no matter what [they're] doing [they] can be ready in two minutes. Women, on the other hand, are like fire. They're very exciting, but the conditions have to be exactly right for it to occur."
Because women are more concerned with intimacy and passion than orgasm, many women would rather cuddle than have a mediocre sexual experience. My professor Dr. Sandra Leiblum, one of the most prominent sex therapists, once said that "for women to want sex it has to be sex worth having."
Therefore, to sexually motivate your girl, you have to work on making sex exciting for her so that she considers it a priority over running errands or getting an extra hour of sleep. Here are some of the ways to do it:
1. Improve the ambiance
Women are a lot more distractible than men. We have difficulty tuning out loud noises like your barking dog or blaring TV lights, or ignoring the noxious smells of rotten food emanating from your messy kitchen. Yes, that means turning off the television, dimming the lights, feeding your dog, turning up your thermostat, taking out the trash, and changing the dirty sheets! (If the thought of having to do all this depresses your sex drive, hire a maid service).
Then, set the mood at "sexual heat": put on her favorite music, prepare her favorite drink, light some scented candles, and spray some fragrant air freshener in your bedroom and bathroom. It may sound "wussy" to go to such trouble to seduce a woman who is already attracted or committed to you, but women turn on to such stimuli, both on an unconscious level through their senses and in consciously thinking, "He cares." That thought alone will get her in the mood for sex.
2. Prolong the foreplay
The old clich is true: women love foreplay! Foreplay does not mean immediately grabbing her clitoris. Real foreplay means starting out as far from her genitals as possible — holding her face, stroking her hair, kissing her temples, gazing into her eyes, or rubbing her neck and shoulders. Learn some massage techniques and gently try a few on her head, neck and shoulders.
