1. Instagram each course when you go out to dinner with him, including the amuse-bouche and definitely the dessert. Only choose the filters that most effectively highlight the pink undertones in your salmon steak or the deep reds in your wine (pro tip: Valencia). End your photo stream with a couple’s selfie which you hashtag #datenight and #bae because the world needs to know y’all hang out.
2. Whenever a girl who could be a potential threat (read: all of them) posts on his Facebook profile, send a passive-aggressive like her way just so you can, you know, mark your territory via social media.
3. Find any excuse to bring him up during conversation with your friends, parents, classmates, or professors so that you can reiterate the fact that one, you have a boyfriend, and two, he is an integral part of your life. If your friend Johnny mentions that he’s going to Panama City Beach for vacation, make sure that you casually recall that one time your boyfriend’s cousin drove through Panama City Beach on his way to Texas.
4. If, per chance, you happen to see his ex-girlfriend while out on the town with him, make sure to assert your dominance! Options for doing so include: staring at her intently until she looks up (at which point, you glare for a few seconds before nonchalantly checking back into the conversation in front of you), walking by her and accidentally spilling your beer on her, or grabbing him by the face and passionately making out with him. Using tongue. Even though PDA is so, like, tacky.
5. Ensure that he has a marked presence on your own Facebook profile (see number three) but to a healthy degree — duh! He should make an appearance in your profile photo, cover photo, and 80 percent of your recent photos — in which y’all are standing in the exact same position because your face always looks the skinniest from the left.
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