Awkward? Yes. Challenging? You bet. Worthy of a try? Absolutely.
The fateful fourth-grade day mom and I went shopping for my first bra is emblazoned in my mind. To me, this was like the canary in the coal mine. I feared the transition from girl to woman—and everything that came with it—and bra-wearing felt like purgatory until the even scarier stuff came. (See: Periods, tampons, zits, strange body hair, S-E-X, etc.)
While I left the mall with a couple of training bras, I also left with fear about what lie ahead. Little did I know that dozens of pounds of weight gain and DD breasts would be on the horizon. And a lovely little nickname I'd hear daily from the boys in my seventh grade class: "BTK," short for "Big Tit Karla."
So I guess you could say junior-high Karla had a contentious relationship with her body and all things undergarment-related.
After a decade of ups (hi, just-shy-of-plus-size clothes) and downs (00 pants and a skeletal frame), and plenty of therapy and supportive family members and friends, I was able to make peace with my body.
I still have my less-than-Beyonce-fierce days, but I've come to embrace my curvy butt, my C-cup breasts, my stretch marks—all of it.
That process was far from a quick one, though. I was an early bloomer in terms of all that puberty stuff, but a ridiculously late bloomer regarding nearly everything else, including real romantic relationships and losing my virginity. I was crushed, then, just months ago when my first "I could see myself marrying this person "boyfriend broke it off right before Christmas.
I had finally been vulnerable. I had finally felt sexy. And it wasn't enough.I spent two months or so exploring who I was, post-breakup, and who I wanted to be before I even considered starting to casually date again. That's when an email arrived in my inbox from my editor, who knew none of this backstory. The assignment: wear lingerie at home every day for a week and report back. Opener, meet can of worms.
So I went back to the mall, similar to the one the 11-year-old me dragged her feet into. This time, I strolled in with a smile and chatted with a peppy Victoria's Secret staffer rather than a grandma-like character at the department store.
Again, I left with a couple bras and panties, but this time, I also left with a fresh mindset and a new challenge to wear the sexy stuff for at least 30 minutes a day for the next 14 days. I proceeded to hop into my car, flip on my Lizzo anthem, and head home to launch my trial.
Here are the biggest things I learned during those 14 days.
1. You have to set the mood.
Day one, I was looking forward to the new adventure. I cut the tags off my new purchases, slipped them on, and proceeded to go about my email catch-up business as I might do in a pair of leggings and a sweatshirt during any other week. (Hey, what am I supposed to do in my lingerie when I'm single as hell and have another freelance deadline on the horizon?)
I felt a bit awkward about the lingerie jaunt, and a little self-conscious. I only lasted about 30 minutes before slipping into my PJs and cozying up with a book.
The next day, and all five after that, I decided to set the mood. I'd flip on some fun, girl power music a la Fifth Harmony, Janelle Monae, and the like, and take a moment to think about all that I was proud of about myself or thankful that I accomplished day.
The simple act of taking time for me, by putting on a splurge pair of lingerie, triggered me to think a bit differently.